Confinement Day #9

Today turned out to be surprisingly productive. I was resolute to figure out  the objective of writing Chapter 1, yes it's important, but how so? Why is it important? Is it really important? Such questions continued until I was happy with the outcome. I am pleased to say I am somewhat happy with the outcome, not entirely though. I feel that I am hitting on a nail, but whether it's at the spot I need it to be, that's still a question mark - but very soon I will have to account for it. After this, I know I can't delay it any further, I must start on my conclusion. I have also found very comfortable and conducive spots in the house. My favourite is naturally the garden. But that is dependent on the weather. If the fine weather holds up, I will spend the mornings and afternoons working on the garden table. It was really nice today - the Poinsettia are blooming and so are the buttercups above the shed. And birds! There were so many species, I don't know which kinds, but they were having a great time bathing in the pond, picking at the grass, and just flying about. I have the urge to pick up my paint brushes and my charcoals to start drawing them, but I resisted it. I have to concentrate and focus. All that can wait till after 30 October. So determined am I to complete the paper. I am proud that I am disciplined but at the same time disappointed that I can't make more out of my life - wouldn't it be so much more meaningful to channel my energy to helping someone? To really make a difference in someone's life? All these obstacles in my way - my youthfulness, my height, my gender, my shyness - it puts me at such a disadvantage all the time. I had Thai red curry today for lunch and dinner, compliments from my landlord. So kind of her to think of me. Yes, I am lucky. Sometimes.