Fast Track to #30

Obviously the past 10 days I would have absolutely nothing to add to my already very dry existence. It is with my greatest pleasure (it will be short-lived) to say that I've completed the draft and it's been submitted, and I am officially out of Confinement. Yes, a free bird. For now.

Confinement Day #17, #18, #19, #20

The past three days went like a blur. If I did not remember wrongly, it was actually fine weather on #17 and #18, but I chose to spend all four days in my room. I feel somehow there is no time to spare. I am counting down and there is just too much to read and write, before it is presentable for critique. So then I was at Chapter 4 and it came very quickly, well, a lot more than the rest at least, flowed nicely with Chapter 3 and 1. Chapter 2 stood out like a sore thumb, yet it was somehow essential. It was an important 'past' that was neglected or misrepresentation. Finding someone to examine that would be different. PJC emailed to ask if I knew anyone. CCH replied, thank goodness. Maybe he hadn't seen the email yet, maybe just maybe he wasn't aware of my stupidity yet, I don't know if I should be thankful or not. In which case, it was a good lesson learned. It made me found the site - which says it all. I appeal with my charm but yet my personality is an "acquired taste". Over-wrought with emotions yet determined to be 'true' oneself at all times. C would attest to that - hers was pretty true too. She called just now; was in a mighty mood over the 'system' here - no names - but we know where. Everything was just way too slow and way too laid-back. Seriously, people need to eat. Being a do-er, she has to do something, she can't just stay home all day. So the comparisons were made - in the US it would never be like this, in .... etc. I think, I told her, I've been quite numbed, having had my share of horror stories. It is rent day tomorrow. Thinking if I should buy a television. The one out there died. And I really need one for my weekly Heroes fix.

Confinement Day #16

Several things are bugging me today. First of all CCH still hasn't replied my email which I find really weird because he used to be really prompt with such things. And then it makes me wonder why that is happening. (OK, I went to re-read one of my emails) And geez what an idiot I am. I can't believe I actually wrote that. What was I thinking? How could I do something as stupid as that knowing especially that the world is absolutely SMALL. And I think I have confirmed certain facts that for sure the email (horrors of horrors) might be circulating. I can't believe I am actually dumb enough or naive enough to do something like that. But I can't reverse it. It's done. I can only learn from my lesson. And the only way I can learn from my lesson would be to from now onwards not write stupid emails like that. I think my only carthasis would be to tell PJC about it. What a disappointment. It only shows what an idiot I am.  

Confinement Day #15

C just msg-ed me to say LeeUhn aka "the goofy one" in Coffee Prince has passed away after a bike accident. I was shocked. Like how I was shocked to know that Heath Ledger had passed away. I know I am not related to them, and in LeeUhn's case, I don't even feel much about his character, but it is still very sad to hear news about a fine human being passing on before their time. Well, maybe it is their time but I guess what I mean is that it is an unnatural death. It's just sad. I only hope that they've had a good life no matter how brief it was and that they had suffered little. Today was my favourite day because there is Amazing Race and Heroes. That's all I look forward to these days. RP told me that her talk was good yesterday and JC was in a great mood. She will be giving her paper at two more conferences. I know she worked hard for them and I am happy for her, but somehow I feel envy creeping in. How I wish I could have the guts to stand in front of an audience, no matter how small or big, and speak confidently. I can't. I just can't. So till then I am just going to hide behind the paper and the computer. I emailed SV today. No I didn't send her the photo, I guess I just wasn't sure, having had pretty bad responses from email correspondance with 'artists'. So, I thought I should keep it simple. Can-Talk circulated an announcement for NSFA contributions and I thought she would be interested so I sent it to her. No other reason really. She responded with kindness and I guess we would speak soon. Also waiting for CCH to reply my email. Had some questions for him. Fingers crossed. 

Confinement Day #14

Today turned out to be an exceptionally productive day for the first part. I realised that I enjoy reading raw data than processed data. I hate reading analysis that are really ramblings. I hate it when they have a point because I would have to incorporate it somehow in my work, and reference them. But doing so, we know have disadvantages, you run the risk of having your work made up of stolen opinions. There are several reasons why I should look forward to tomorrow. A) I will be going to the library and it won't be just returning and borrowing (hunting down) books but actual sit-down read-and-refer activity B) If RP isn't on campus then I would have to eat a lonesome one like my many others that I have C) I will be buying kimchi and what nots from the korean supermarkets at Pitt Street D) There is Heroes and Amazing Race (woohoo). So yeah, four fantastic reasons why tomorrow would be completely different from today and the day before, and the day before etc. You get my point. ED called. That's because he was returning my call made yesterday. He sounded totally bored, and unexcited to hear my voice. I think it is a done-deal, Virgos and Cancerians just do not get along. He was completely disinterested in what I have to say, and equally disinterested to talk about anything. It's good to know that there are people out there who are not self-centred. But on the flipside, perhaps it's so extreme that he is absolutely oblivious of the existence of OTHERS other than himself. I don't know. OH WELL. Tomorrow.

Confinement Day #10, #11, #12, #13

For four days, I have done absolutely nothing worth blogging. I have no thoughts. Nothing to say whatsoever. I have officially achieved the level of being completely zombified. There was nothing in my existence that is worth penning down. Isn't that terrible? Isn't that just terrible? Reduced to a rambling persona. That's 'me'. I can only hope that by #30, I am still sane.

Confinement Day #9

Today turned out to be surprisingly productive. I was resolute to figure out  the objective of writing Chapter 1, yes it's important, but how so? Why is it important? Is it really important? Such questions continued until I was happy with the outcome. I am pleased to say I am somewhat happy with the outcome, not entirely though. I feel that I am hitting on a nail, but whether it's at the spot I need it to be, that's still a question mark - but very soon I will have to account for it. After this, I know I can't delay it any further, I must start on my conclusion. I have also found very comfortable and conducive spots in the house. My favourite is naturally the garden. But that is dependent on the weather. If the fine weather holds up, I will spend the mornings and afternoons working on the garden table. It was really nice today - the Poinsettia are blooming and so are the buttercups above the shed. And birds! There were so many species, I don't know which kinds, but they were having a great time bathing in the pond, picking at the grass, and just flying about. I have the urge to pick up my paint brushes and my charcoals to start drawing them, but I resisted it. I have to concentrate and focus. All that can wait till after 30 October. So determined am I to complete the paper. I am proud that I am disciplined but at the same time disappointed that I can't make more out of my life - wouldn't it be so much more meaningful to channel my energy to helping someone? To really make a difference in someone's life? All these obstacles in my way - my youthfulness, my height, my gender, my shyness - it puts me at such a disadvantage all the time. I had Thai red curry today for lunch and dinner, compliments from my landlord. So kind of her to think of me. Yes, I am lucky. Sometimes.